onlyistheirshow | sorry not sorry // for intenderembassy

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sorry not sorry // for intenderembassy

[ It's been ten days since she's seen any of the others, besides Black Mist itself. She'd needed to keep herself as relaxed as possible at first, it had told her, and who better to keep her relaxed than Black Mist? Especially when the need for the oil had gotten overwhelming, when Black Mist had started filling bottles with it every few hours when it visited her and she'd be finished with them all and desperate for more by the time it returned.

(it's started to ease off but she still seems to need more than she did before)

(of course you do, it had told her when she'd commented, had rubbed a slick tendril over her stomach and only chuckled when she'd dragged the tendril up to her mouth to suck at it)

As much as she hasn't minded the isolation though - how could she, when Black Mist is giving her things she wants so much? - she's glad, when it says that Chris can come see her.

(she's missed Chris, everything has moved so fast and she feels so different and she--)

(she wanted her sister)

So when Chris finally steps through the door of the room that Black Mist has kept her in, it's to her all but tackling Chris, pushing the door shut so that she can hold her in a tight hug.

(tight enough for her curves to be pressed in tight against Chris)

(a slight curve to her stomach isn't necessarily abnormal, recently, not with the way Black Mist likes to leave them full, but--)

(her breasts are larger, too, enough to have the shirt she's wearing stretched tight across them) ]

Nee-san!

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[She doesn't know why she's been kept away from her sister. Black Mist hasn't told her, hasn't even been around to say anything, and the other two don't seem to know any more than she does.

(but Black Mist had been asking her things, lately)

(she prays that it was only a normal threat, the kind that would keep the most unruly pet in line)

(that Thomasine hasn't...)

She prays, too, that when Thomasine hugs her and her body feels different that it's nothing.

She hugs back, tightly, letting her eyes fall shut.]

You've been gone a long time, Thomasine. I've been worrying.

[ Usually, when Chris calls her Thomasine, she cringes. Corrects her, insists that it's IV.

(she doesn't, now)

(just lifts her head up to press a kiss to Chris's cheek) ]

Ah, it said I should stay alone at first. Just for a few days, just to make sure nothing happened.

[ Has Black Mist told the others?

She can't see why it wouldn't have done. This is good, isn't it?

Pulling back, she tugs Chris over to the bed and sits them both down.

(there's something animated about her, something alive and happy that hasn't been there since the night they were sent away)

(she pulls Chris's hand down to rest it on her stomach, and the look that Thomasine gives her is open, adoring) ]

[Chris should be happy, shouldn't she? Happy for Thomasine. But she doesn't look it.

She looks like she's heard someone's died. She looks like someone just sucked the life out of her, the way her eyes go dead, the way she stares at Thomasine's stomach.

(it did it)

(it really did what it was threatening)

(and now Thomasine's happy.)

(that's almost the worst part, that Thomasine is happy now, that everything Chris has tried to do has done nothing but the minute its child is inside her...)

Her hand trembles on Thomasine's stomach.]

IV...

Edited 2012-12-26 17:07 (UTC)

[ That adoring expression of hers falters, when she sees the look on Chris's face.

(it's good, isn't it?)

(why does Chris look like that?)

(maybe... maybe she's just sad that it chose Thomasine, instead)

Pressing Chris's hand more firmly to her stomach, she shakes her head. ]

You can-- you can call me Thomasine. I want you to.

I'm. I'm going to be Thomasine again, it made the bad things go away and now I can be Thomasine for you again, nee-san. For you, and for-- for the baby.

[ Chris is still the most important to her. Maybe it shouldn't be that way, maybe Black Mist should be more important, but... but Chris was most important to her and Black Mist still chose her for this, didn't it?

(trusted her)

(gave her this chance to prove herself and it's praised her so much)

Chris is most important, so Thomasine presses in close to kiss her. ]

I can be your imouto again. Properly, now.

[She lets Thomasine kiss her, tries to kiss back with anything close to the joy that Thomasine has.

("I can be your imouto again." god, does she want that)

(but if it's because of this, she)

(no, maybe she should try. try to give this to thomasine. try to let her be)

(let her be happy)]

I'm...I'm glad, Thomasine.

[She doesn't sound glad. Not with the way her voice breaks. Not with the way she's trying to smile through tears.

(she's sick and sad and angry and grieving)

(she doesn't know who she's grieving for)]

[ Chris is still sad, Chris's voice breaks and there are tears and Thomasine trembles against her.

(why isn't Chris happy?)

(she needs Chris to be happy)

(they have to both be happy if they're going to be Thomasine-and-Christina again) ]

Are-- are you really?

[ Her voice shakes.

(there's something innocent about her, almost childish)

('IV' has been stripped away) ]

It. I was so scared, nee-san. I wanted this but if it hadn't been like this, I-- I would have been scared. I couldn't have done this, as IV, but it let me be me again and it-- it trusted me with this, nee-san.

[It...it should be good. It should be good, that she can be Thomasine again and not IV. Christina should be happy about that. She should be happy to see her sister feeling whole.

(it trusted her)

(it trusted her, like their mother never did, as much as Tron was ever their mother before Yumi brought her mind back)

(that hurts)

She isn't happy, because to give this to Thomasine it had to take something away. Her freedom, what little she had left, of mind and body.

She lets her face fall, blinks tears out of her eyes.]

You...Thomasine, you...

[Her voice is quiet, anguished. She doesn't know how to say it, to make her understand.]

You deserve so much better.

[ Chris says that, and Thomasine immediately shakes her head sharply, draping her forearm over her stomach.

(there's something of her in the movement, in the way that her face knits into a frown and she ends up all but glaring at Chris) ]

I don't want better.

This-- this is what I want. It made me better, it took away the bad parts.

And... and it gave me this, too. Made it so I could have what I wanted without being afraid of turning into Tron.

...and it let me have you.

[ She is fierce, in this moment. There's still a spark in there, something Black Mist hasn't extinguished.

(she doesn't want to choose, between those last two things)

(between Chris, and her baby)

(she doesn't know if she could) ]

[She

she doesn't know what to feel, right now.

She wants this for Thomasine, she wants her to be happy, to be able to love a child and love Chris without being afraid, but...

(but it's the child of the thing that keeps its tendrils around them like a scarf in the cold or like a noose for a wanted man)

(can she only love demon's children, demon's servants, without fear?)

She leans into Thomasine and puts her arms around her.]

[ Chris leans into her, and Thomasine lets the tension bleed out of her body. Leans back into Chris's embrace, rests her hand on the back of Chris's and links their fingers so that she can rest their joined hands on her stomach again.

(she whispers, what she says next)

(she's certain Black Mist knows, but it's still--) ]

I... I love you, nee-san. And you're...

...if you asked me. If you asked me and you really meant it then I-- I would come away from Black Mist. For you. Only for you.

[ Her gaze flicks down to her stomach. ]

I need the oil more and I couldn't... I couldn't come away now. But afterwards, if you asked me, I'd be all yours.

I just...

I don't want you to ask me. Please.

[She'd come with her. She'd leave with her, just for her, if she asked.

(it comforts her because it means that if it gets too bad, if it takes too much of her)

(christina can take her away)

But it hurts, that there's a price. That Thomasine, if Christina took her away...that she couldn't be this happy. She couldn't leave her fear with Black Mist. She would take it with her and she would always be scared.

She holds her more tightly, buries her face in Thomasine's shoulder.]

I...

I won't. Not yet.

[Not yet, because as much as she wants Thomasine to be free, as much as Christina herself wants to be free...

(this thing can make them happy)

(it can make Thomasine happy)

(it can make Christina happy, when her mind isn't strong enough, when she can forget)

(can she really take that away?)

Her hand rests on Thomasine's stomach and she thinks about the child that she'll call hers.]

[ 'Not yet'.

She wishes, wishes that Christina could give in completely.

(but it's something, isn't it?)

(Christina will try)

(in return, Thomasine will try to make sure Christina believes in how good this can be)

She buries her face in Christina's shoulder, in return, leans in close and savors the warmth of her sister's hand against her bump.

(she'll have to move soon)

(her mouth is dry, and her stomach clenches painfully like she's starving, and she knows that she'll need to start on one of the bottles of oil that Black Mist left behind)

(but for now, she'll stay like this for as long as she can bear) ]

It'll be yours too, you know. Not... not really, maybe, but-- I mean. If we could have done. If we weren't women and we weren't sisters and I hadn't been afraid otherwise, then...

[...her child.

A child that belongs to her and Thomasine.

Even if it's Black Mist's, really, even if it's not even really a human child, it's...theirs.

She smiles although the feeling is still bittersweet.

(they could have a real family, then, one that wasn't awful and broken and painful to belong to)]

...I'm glad.

[It sounds more sincere, this time.

(it's easier to give in when she finally wants to)]

[ Christina is giving in, and Thomasine lets out a soft noise of approval.

(her stomach clenches again, and she stays pressed in to Chris for a few more moments before she drags herself away, letting Chris's hand drop away from her stomach) ]

Sorry. I need...

[ She gestures vaguely and then just gives up on speaking, moving instead to grab two of the filled bottles and carrying them back to the bed, where she settles back in against Chris and lifts the first bottle to her mouth to drain it.

(the bottle is large and full but Thomasine barely stops to breathe, throat bobbing as she swallows)

(she needs this)

(she hopes that it won't hurt things, this reminder to Christina that the baby is Black Mist's) ]

[...Ah.

That would make sense, wouldn't it? That she would need more, now that...now that there's a child.

(it still stings, though)

(especially because Christina is jealous, for a moment, watching her drink, and it reminds her so acutely of what they're both tethered to)

But as Thomasine drinks, Chris puts her hands on her shoulders, massages them gently.

(thomasine should relax)

(she has a heavy burden to bear)]

[ It's less than a minute before Thomasine has drained the whole bottle, before she's picking up the second and leaning back into the touch of Chris's hands. Between the oil and the way Chris is rubbing at her shoulders, it isn't hard for her to relax, and the second bottle she drinks more slowly, only sipping at it now.

(she can feel herself getting warmer the more of it she drinks, can feel herself getting slick and wet and her skin flushing with her arousal)

(she's glad, that Chris is here, that she doesn't have to take care of things herself the way that she has been whenever Black Mist has left her alone)

Squirming back against her, Thomasine turns her head to look back at Christina. ]

Ah, if I lie on my back will you touch me, nee-san...?

[Oh.

She almost forgot, that even in this situation, Thomasine drinking the oil would...would do this.

(with the effort she's put into forgetting, into giving in, it doesn't take long for her to start wondering why she'd ever say no)]

Yes. Of course.

[Her coat is off already.]

[ Shifting to lean back against the pillows, Thomasine sets the bottle down so that she can reach up and undo the buttons at the top of her shirt, let Chris see that she's not wearing a bra underneath.

(she's barely even worn clothes at all over the past few days, to be honest)

(she'd wanted to look more put-together for Christina though, even if it means having to struggle out of her clothes now)

(already, she's panting and rocking her hips up, shirt hitching up over the sight curve of her stomach) ]

[She doesn't waste time with it, not now.

Once the heavy coat is off she doesn't even bother with the shirt, or the skirt, she just kicks her shoes away and climbs up to settle over Thomasine on the bed.

(this is what can come easily to her, now, this is what lets her open up the cracks in the walls she can't help but preserve)

(because this makes it so easy to let go)

She leans down and kisses her, tastes the oil still left on her lips and groans.

(even that trace of it is enough)

One hand fumbles with the buttons of her sister's shirt.]

[ Every little touch has Thomasine shifting, moaning, has her pressing up for more.

(the kiss is good, the buttons coming undone and relieving the pressure on her breasts when they're swollen and tender)

(it's good but

she wants

more) ]

A-ah, nee-san... nee-san, I want... I want to taste you. Will you turn around so that you can taste me too...?

[She's used to it, by now, the way Thomasine loses her words once the oil gets to her. Her expressions become more simple.

But she understands, very clearly, and she shivers, and she complies.

She moves away just for a moment (as briefly as possible, because she knows that in that state every second hurts) and turns herself so she can kneel over Thomasine again, settle her head down between her legs and kiss at her clit.

(this is good)

(this lets her mind fog, lets whatever was knotting her stomach drift away)

(now it's just her and Thomasine, her helping Thomasine feel good, helping her relax)]

[ It's enough to have Thomasine moaning immediately, rolling her hips up because she's slick and wet and hot with need and Chris is there but she's not doing enough.

(if Thomasine shows her, what she wants...)

Lifting her hands, she pushes Christina's skirt up and pulls her panties down enough that she can get her face in snugly between Chris's legs, can really go for it. To kiss and suck at Chris's clit, at her inner thighs. To press her tongue up inside her and moan, long and loud against her.

(it tastes so good)

(better than the oil, even if it isn't quite on the same level in terms of the effects it has) ]

[It's so much all at once that she stops, for a moment, knots her fingers into the sheets and lets out a sharp noise of surprise, of pleasure.

(of course there was still a little oil lingering in Thomasine's mouth and now it's all over her, inside her even when Thomasine presses her tongue inside her, and she's burning up so quickly)

She follows Thomasine's example, then, presses her face in and kisses and licks like she's starved for it, drags her tongue over her clit and lets little noises out from the back of her throat.

(she tastes so perfect and she's moaning against Chris and pleasing her so much and)

(she's already lost, lost so much faster than she lets herself be with Black Mist)]

[ They're both acting like they're starved of it, then, Thomasine pressing in like she needs it as much as (more than) the oil. Like there's nothing she wants more than to be tasting Christina this way, to be lapping at her wetness as though that is the liquid that she's been craving so strongly for these past days.

(not that she hasn't craved it, truth be told)

(it wasn't like the need for the oil but she'd wanted Chris, wanted this)

(they both belong to Black Mist, Thomasine especially with the already-heavy

(and practically seeming to get heavier by the moment, with the accelerated speed of things)

weight of her stomach reminding her constantly of what it chose her for)

(but their connection is stronger than anything, stronger than Black Mist)

(Christina is everything) ]

[It's so good to be here, to be together with IV Thomasine again, to be with her in such an uncomplicated way.

She kisses at Thomasine's folds, sucks her clit, and then she bites gently at her inner thighs because she knows that's something she loves, and it's all perfect.

(she whimpers and moans openly at Thomasine's attentions because she's opened herself too far to shut down that quickly)

(she can let herself go, let herself trust her sister)

~~(even with what she's carrying inside her)~~]

[ This is easy, uncomplicated.

(it's easy for Thomasine to forget that she was ever afraid)

(that things were ever different between them)

(that what she's carrying isn't actually Chris's child)

(~~but Chris will be its second mother, not its aunt~~)

(~~because Chris is Thomasine's sister but. more importantly, she is everything to her~~)

She moans her own approval against Christina's folds, kissing and lapping as her own hips jerk up so that if she had a cock she'd be practically fucking Christina's face.

(Chris is making noise, and doing all of this and)

(it's perfect)

(Thomasine is happier than she has ever been) ]

[It's not the same as what Black Mist gives them, certainly. It's not the same overwhelming, animal thing, it doesn't shut her mind down like the filling-up does, doesn't make her lose control of her voice, of her whole body.

But if she had the choice, she would pick this every time. This, with her sister, who she loves. Tasting her and feeling her tongue and feeling the warmth of her body against hers...

(even if she can also feel the bulge in her stomach and know what's there)

That's what she wants. That's what she needs.

(she's so close already, now, she has to pause for breath more often but she can barely bear to stop so it comes in gasps)

(she presses her hips down, squirms against Thomasine's face, it's perfect and she needs it so badly and)

Right now there is no-one else.]

[ Thomasine has less control than Chris, but still enough to know that this is better somehow.

(as much as she craves the tendrils, the fullness, if she had to go without one forever she would give up that for this)

(because it's Chris, because it's special)

She can feel Christina squirming above her, can taste her and feel the heat against her mouth as well as the heat of their bodies pressed together and she wants more. Wants to feel and taste when Christina comes, wants to hit climax together with her and know that this is just the two of them.

Spreading Chris's thighs further with her hands, Thomasine moves in more forcefully, sucking hard at her clit. ]

[She's squirming even harder, jerking her hips, gasping and groaning as she drags her tongue over Thomasine and sucks her clit harder and--

And then it gets to be too much, Thomasine's mouth and her skin and her voice, and Chris is coming, digging her fingers into the mattress (and she'd scream her sister's name if she could but she can't stop, either, so she just moans into her and clenches her fists so hard her knuckles go white).

(perfect, it's perfect, it's all that she wants)

(this is all that she wants)

(she is all that she wants)]

[ When Chris comes, when Thomasine feels the way Chris's clit pulses under her tongue and tastes more of that wetness, it doesn't take long for her to follow her off that edge. For Thomasine to come too, moaning and gasping against Chris's folds and rocking her hips up for more, nails digging into Chris's thighs.

(it's good, better than good)

(perfect)

(she needs this)

(maybe from a purely physical point she needs Black Mist more, needs the oil but)

(she needs this more)

(needs her nee-san more) ]

[She comes down from it slowly, picking her head up to lay it on Thomasine's thigh, melting.

After a moment, she pulls herself away and shifts again, so she's lying beside her sister, pressing her face into her neck.

(and she lays a hand on Thomasine's stomach, it seems natural)

She thinks...she thinks she can be happy, like this, for a while. Just resting, together.

(together with someone she loves)]

[ Thomasine lets out a soft, exhausted noise of contentment when she feels Christina shift like that, feels the face pressed into her neck.

(even moreso, when she feels the hand on her stomach)

(this is right, this is how it should be)

(she should be Thomasine and they should have this child together, no matter how that child came to be)

(besides, for all that she wishes she could have, somehow, had Chris's child, that it had been possible and they hadn't been related

doesn't she love Black Mist too?)

(~~not so intently, not so deeply as she loves Chris, but~~)

(~~it has given her so much, for so little~~)

(in this moment though, Black Mist is unimportant) ]

...ne, nee-san...

[She pulls the covers up, just a little, even though they're both still half-dressed and the room is (of course) kept warm.

~~(things like black mist like warm places, don't they?)~~

It seems right, somehow.

She raises her eyes up, blinks them a little sleepily when she hears Thomasine's voice.]

Mm?

[ Thomasine appreciates the covers coming up, even with the clothing and the warmth of the room.

(she gets cold so quickly, ever since Black Mist gave her this)

She presses herself in closer, rests her hand over Christina's on her stomach. ]

Love you...

[Of all the things she hears from Thomasine, that's the best.

She sighs, letting her eyes fall shut.]

I love you too.

[She's not even thinking about Black Mist anymore. Just this. Just her.]

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sorry not sorry // for intenderembassy

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